Mary Poppins

At some point during every Christmas I spend at home, I inevitably pick up one or more Mary Poppins books and binge read.  This time, I was struck by a passage from Mary Poppins Comes Back.  In it, the newborn Annabel talks to a starling:


"I am earth and air and fire and water.
I come from the Dark where all things have their beginning.
I come from the sea and its tides.
I come from the sky and its stars, I come from the sun and its brightness.
And I come from the forests of the earth.
Slowly I moved at first, always sleeping and dreaming. I remembered all I had been and I thought of all I shall be. And when I had dreamed my dream I awoke and came swiftly.
I heard the stars singing as I came and I felt warm wings about me. I passed the beasts of the jungle and, came through the dark, deep waters. It was a long journey." - P.L. Travers

The starling chides her and says that she will never remember all of this as she grows.  No human can.  Sure enough, she forgets.  But at this closing of the year, as we assess our paths and map out our futures, let us all remember that we came from the Dark where all things have their beginning.  Let us all remember all we have been and think of all we shall be.  May we all feel warm wings about us.

Blessings

As an actor, I tend to have a flurry of shows that occupy my thoughts and take up a certain amount of energy.  The scripted shows have been painstakingly memorized and prepared for and the improvised ones have been dutifully orchestrated.  When I show up, though, I simply perform.  Somehow, the preparation, the struggle and the weight of everything is not foremost on my mind.  I just go to the theatre and do my job.

These last few days before my holiday break have shown me a different side of performance, though.  The side of the director and teacher.  I have three shows in three days where my role has been to prepare my cast to shine as bright as they can in front of standing room only crowds.  I have worked with each ensemble for months and these shows have been the culmination of their extraordinary dedication.  After last night's show, I was exhausted.  After tonight's show, I was exhausted.  After tomorrow's show, I expect to be annihilated.

What I didn't fully realize (until having three of these shows back to back) was how much I invest in each of the shows I direct/teach.  I live and die by every individual's performance on that stage.  When one of my cast/students have a "win" onstage, I celebrate.  When I see them before the show and their face says "I am scared," I agonize with them.  My job at these times is to make these brave actors ready for their journey to the stage.  I would sooner cut off an appendage than have one of my performers feel unsure.  If I somehow let a class/cast go onstage not feeling like they will OWN that performance, I have failed.

So, for the past few days, I've been totally wiped out.  I swear to god, I wouldn't have it any other way.