Waiting...

We've lived in doggie hospice for the last week. Our buddy took unexpectedly ill last Saturday and has been slipping away every day since. The vet said that the best we could hope for was a month and he assured us that there was nothing we could have done to catch the tumors early. We couldn't have known because he displayed no symptoms. HE couldn't have known because he didn't start to hurt until it was too late. Knowing there's nothing we could have done does not help. Does. Not. Help.

Today, he barely mustered a half-hearted lick of peanut butter. We've slept on the floor next to him for a week (he can no longer jump up onto the bed). We've hand-fed him first his own food, then cooked turkey, then bacon and finally tiny jars of baby food. We've walked him every time he even so much as glanced at the front door. We've petted him, we've stayed up all night with him in case he needed one of us, we've refused to leave his side. The one thing we DIDN'T do, was pay attention to what was in his eyes.

It's time.

To quote the Tin Man, I know I have a heart because it's breaking.

“He is my other eyes that can see above the clouds; my other ears that hear above the winds. He is the part of me that can reach out into the sea. He has told me a thousand times over that I am his reason for being; by the way he rests against my leg; by the way he thumps his tail at my smallest smile; by the way he shows his hurt when I leave without taking him. (I think it makes him sick with worry when he is not along to care for me.) When I am wrong, he is delighted to forgive. When I am angry, he clowns to make me smile. When I am happy, he is joy unbounded. When I am a fool, he ignores it. When I succeed, he brags. Without him, I am only another man. With him, I am all-powerful. He is loyalty itself. He has taught me the meaning of devotion. With him, I know a secret comfort and a private peace. He has brought me understanding where before I was ignorant. His head on my knee can heal my human hurts. His presence by my side is protection against my fears of dark and unknown things. He has promised to wait for me… whenever… wherever – in case I need him. And I expect I will – as I always have. He is just my dog.” - Gene Hill